i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
