Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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