we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize