Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
