I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
