there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
