Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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