Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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