its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
