Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
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I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
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Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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