Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
