Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
