pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
