Me too!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
