I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
