ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
