The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Drake has all the answers
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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