Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
