Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night