is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
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I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
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I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear