i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.