I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.