woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
