Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
