The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
