I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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