guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
3 2 1 whiskey
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
