I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
