ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
