its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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