this beer tastes like vomit already
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
