Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
