she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
