You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize