I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
