i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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