He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
