I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
