like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
