I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We need to get me chipped asap
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
