found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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