Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
