He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
