At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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