cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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