Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
There r osticjed everywhere
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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