He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
