We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
