And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
