Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
