i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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