I could have mohawked her pubes.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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