are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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