If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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