Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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