trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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