I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
