oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
