Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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