I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
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Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
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Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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