i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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