At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
